ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
