oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Randomize
