i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
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