i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
