well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
