he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
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