I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
