Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
