how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
