Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Randomize
