my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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