I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
