dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Randomize
