Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
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