I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
