the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
