i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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