We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
