I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
Randomize
