Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
whose ass print is on the piano?
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
