My friends, they love my intelligence
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
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