i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
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