Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
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