we have officially lost it.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Found the puke drawer
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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