On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
