Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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