So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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