I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
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