Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
