I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Randomize
