there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Randomize
