Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
