we're chasing vodka with high fives
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
