remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
There r osticjed everywhere
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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