I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
