Just cropdusted the office
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Randomize
