Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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