I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
