2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
