So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
