So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
