WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
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