it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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