I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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