I think I just saw someone hide a body.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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