so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
