i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
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