We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
