Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
