I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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