He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
