i can't believe i had my finger in that
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
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