Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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