I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
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