I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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