i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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